The Three Types of Empathy—and Why Leaders Need All Three
Updated article: September 2026.
Empathy is often described as the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
But that is only part of the story.
Some time ago, my dear friend and mentor Dr David Paul introduced me to a way of understanding empathy that has stayed with me ever since. He drew my attention to the work of Paul Ekman and Daniel Goleman and helped me see that understanding another person, feeling with them, and being moved to help are not necessarily the same thing.
A leader can understand what someone is experiencing without feeling emotionally connected.
Another leader may feel everything so deeply that they become overwhelmed.
And a third may understand, feel—and then ask:
What would genuinely help?
People often search for the three stages or levels of empathy. They are more accurately understood as three different forms:
Cognitive empathy — I understand.
Emotional empathy — I feel with you.
Compassionate empathy — I am moved to respond.
Empathy does not happen in a vacuum.
We understand, feel and respond through our own experiences, assumptions and familiar boxes. That is where empathy becomes a question of self-awareness—not only kindness.
As Dr David put it so clearly:
“The keyword for Compassionate Empathy is action.”
— Dr David Paul
That sentence stayed with me.
Because empathy in leadership is not only about understanding what another person is going through. Nor is it about becoming so emotionally absorbed that we lose our own clarity.
It is about bringing the brain, the heart and the body into the conversation:
→ To understand.
→ To feel.
→ And, when appropriate, to respond.
None of these forms makes you a good or bad leader on its own.
The real question is whether you can recognise which form you are using—and what the situation actually needs from you.
What might your own boxes be adding to the conversation?
1. Cognitive empathy: I understand
Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand another person’s perspective—even when we do not share the same feelings.
As Dr David Paul explained to me:
“Your brain understands what that person is going through. Sometimes the brain says: I know, because I’ve been through something similar.”
That instinct can build a bridge.
It can also become a trap.
Before the other person has finished speaking, our brain may already be searching for a similar experience in our own story:
“Oh, I know exactly how you feel. The same thing happened to me…”
We are trying to connect. But without noticing, we may move the conversation away from their experience and back towards our own.
Why cognitive empathy matters in leadership
Cognitive empathy helps leaders:
→ understand different perspectives
→ anticipate how decisions may affect people
→ navigate disagreement without immediately making it personal
But understanding someone intellectually does not necessarily mean they feel understood.
A leader may accurately explain why an employee is struggling and still respond in a way that feels cold or distant.
The cognitive empathy blind spot
The blind spot appears when we confuse our interpretation with another person’s reality.
We may believe we understand them when we have actually placed them inside one of our familiar boxes:
→ They’re resistant.
→ They lack confidence.
→ They’re too emotional.
The interpretation may be partly true.
But partly true and the whole truth are rarely the same thing.
Before deciding that you understand another person’s experience, pause and ask:
Am I trying to understand this person—or am I already translating their experience into my own?
2. Emotional empathy: I feel with you
Emotional empathy—sometimes called affective empathy—is what happens when we do more than understand another person’s experience.
We feel some of it with them.
As Dr David explained:
“Emotional empathy is where you feel the feelings of the person going through loss, suffering, frustration—or whatever it is they’re going through.”
This connection can communicate something words alone cannot:
→ I am here.
→ I feel the weight of this with you.
→ You are not alone.
Why emotional empathy matters in leadership
People do not leave their humanity outside the office. Fear, grief, disappointment and uncertainty walk through the door with them—whether the meeting agenda has made room for them or not.
Emotional empathy helps leaders:
→ recognise emotions that have not yet been put into words
→ respond with warmth rather than analysis alone
→ build trust during uncertainty or change
But emotional empathy has its own blind spot.
A leader can become so affected by another person’s experience that they lose the clarity needed to lead.
Instead of being present with someone’s fear, they absorb it. Instead of creating space for the other person, their own emotions begin filling the room.
The emotional empathy blind spot
Feeling with someone is not the same as knowing exactly how they feel.
Even when we have experienced something similar, their experience still belongs to them. Saying “I know exactly how you feel” may unintentionally close the door on everything we do not yet understand.
Emotional empathy becomes more conscious when we can remain connected without assuming, absorbing or taking over.
This requires openness—and boundaries.
Not a wall. Just enough awareness to ask:
Can I remain emotionally present without making their experience my own?
Bring one real conversation to mind.
Were you trying to understand the person, feeling their emotions—or already preparing to fix the situation?And what might your own assumptions have added to the conversation?
3. Compassionate empathy: I am moved to respond
Compassionate empathy brings understanding and emotional connection into action.
We recognise what another person may be experiencing, allow ourselves to be touched by it—and ask what response might genuinely help.
As Dr David put it:
“The keyword for Compassionate Empathy is action.”
But action does not always mean fixing the problem.
It may mean:
→ asking another question
→ removing an obstacle
→ following up tomorrow
→ speaking up when silence would be easier
→ staying present when there is no immediate solution
Why compassionate empathy matters in leadership
Compassionate empathy helps leaders turn awareness into meaningful support.
It asks us to move beyond saying:
“I understand how difficult this has been.”
And consider:
What am I willing to do with that understanding?
Sometimes the answer involves action. Sometimes it involves patience. And sometimes the most compassionate response is to ask the other person what they need—rather than deciding for them.
The compassionate empathy blind spot
Our desire to help can quickly become a desire to rescue, advise or take control.
We may rush into solutions because another person’s discomfort makes us uncomfortable. We may offer what would help us instead of becoming curious about what would support them.
Good intentions do not automatically create helpful outcomes.
Compassion is not about becoming the hero in someone else’s story. It is about responding in a way that respects their dignity and ability to find their own way forward.
Before stepping in, pause and ask:
Is this action genuinely helpful—or does it simply make me feel helpful?
Empathy always passes through our boxes
We do not meet another person’s experience as a blank sheet of paper.
We bring our own history into the room. Our assumptions. Our emotional triggers. Our familiar boxes.
Imagine someone sitting quietly in a meeting.
→ One leader sees resistance.
→ Another sees insecurity.
→ A third sees someone who is thinking carefully before they speak.
Same silence.
Different boxes.
This matters because empathy is never completely separate from the person practising it.
Cognitive empathy can help us understand another perspective—but we may still place that person inside a box we already know.
Emotional empathy can help us feel with them—but their emotion may also awaken something that belongs to us.
Compassionate empathy can move us to act—but our action may be shaped by our own need to fix, rescue or feel useful.
The box is not necessarily the problem.
The problem begins when we cannot see that we are looking through one.
Empathy asks us to step into another person’s shoes.
Self-awareness asks us to notice what we are still wearing while we do it.
This is why I created The Leader’s Mirror™ and BeBBY—not to tell leaders which interpretation is correct, but to help them pause and ask:
→ What am I assuming?
→ What might be shaping my reaction?
→ What else could be true?
Because the more certain we are that we see the situation clearly, the more useful it may be to look again.
Frequently asked questions about the three types of empathy
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The three types of empathy are cognitive empathy, emotional empathy and compassionate empathy.
Cognitive empathy helps us understand another person’s perspective.
Emotional empathy allows us to feel some of their experience.
Compassionate empathy brings understanding and emotional connection into a response that may genuinely help.
Together, they engage the brain, the heart and our capacity to act.
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Cognitive empathy is often described as the first level or stage of empathy because it begins with understanding another person’s perspective.
But empathy does not always unfold in a neat sequence. We may feel an emotional response before we fully understand what someone is experiencing—or rush into action before doing either.
The aim is not to climb an empathy ladder. It is to recognise which form is present and what the situation actually needs.
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Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand what another person may be thinking or experiencing. Emotional empathy is the ability to feel something of that experience with them.
A leader may understand perfectly why someone is struggling but still respond in a way that feels cold. Another may feel the person’s distress so strongly that they lose their own clarity.
Effective leadership often requires both understanding and emotional presence.
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Begin by pausing before responding.
Ask yourself:
→ What am I assuming?
→ Have I listened deeply enough?
→ What might this person need from me?
→ Am I trying to support them—or make the discomfort disappear?
Then ask the other person rather than deciding for them.
Compassionate empathy does not require a grand gesture. It may be expressed through one honest question, one removed obstacle or one promise that you genuinely follow through on.
What might you be too close to notice?
The Leader’s Mirror™ is designed to help leaders recognise the assumptions, habits and blind spots shaping how they respond—especially in the moments when they are convinced they already see the situation clearly.
Because better leadership does not always begin with another answer.
Sometimes it begins with a better look in the mirror.
Continue exploring ways to become a more conscious leader in the world of AI.
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